I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Randomize
