We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
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