i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
