just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Randomize
