Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
i can't believe i had my finger in that
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
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