how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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