and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
