I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize