Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
