i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
