apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
