Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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