yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Randomize
