so that wasnt chicken after all
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
