If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
