If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
