Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
