All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
