So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
You are a genius and a whore.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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