u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
