btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
