He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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