I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
