do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
