I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
