dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
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