My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
