why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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