Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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