I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
