We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
