yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
