How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
