I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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