I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
