I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize