Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
