Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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