and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I want you more than these girls want KFC
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
