He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
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