She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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