i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
