I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
