i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
