You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
