I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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