so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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