I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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