your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
3pm strippers are depressing
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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