why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
