Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
