Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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