It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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