We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
