when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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