who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
