the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
