You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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