just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
My vagina just clenched in fear
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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