someone get that fucking seahorse.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Randomize
