you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
