We won't sleep together?
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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