just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
