so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
