I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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