i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
